Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
