You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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