my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
