Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
