Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
