thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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