I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
