We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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