based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
