i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
