so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
