I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
