I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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