I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
