He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
