I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
