I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
