I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
