Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
