Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
