drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
