i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
