What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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