Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
