Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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