Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
