so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
