you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This is the high leading the old right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
