My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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