Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
