Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
