I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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