Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
