Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
