It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
