So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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