I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
