Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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  (310): i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito. http://tfl.nu/9mvh
  Replies (15) Good night (4671) Bad night (1143)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex

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  (610): what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex http://tfl.nu/02xp
  Replies (36) Good night (1071) Bad night (4472)
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  (916): View more from California

  Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?

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  (916): Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party? http://tfl.nu/ft10
  Replies (19) Good night (4465) Bad night (1112)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Either way, he made a blog for his cat.

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  (870): Either way, he made a blog for his cat. http://tfl.nu/y9xq
  Replies (4) Good night (1373) Bad night (3555)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.

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  (610): At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wzxh
  Replies (12) Good night (1228) Bad night (5373)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.

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  (225): Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe. http://tfl.nu/nl8k
  Replies (5) Good night (2040) Bad night (1135)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.

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  (402): I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed. http://tfl.nu/gx4g
  Replies (33) Good night (3226) Bad night (2485)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

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  (952): Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm. http://tfl.nu/ghbo
  Replies (15) Good night (2459) Bad night (815)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

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  (832): Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/gs8m
  Replies (3) Good night (665) Bad night (1509)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1605) Bad night (481)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...

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  (970): It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me... http://tfl.nu/tknp
  Replies (5) Good night (338) Bad night (878)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.

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  (803): I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean. http://tfl.nu/4wmr
  Replies (5) Good night (411) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.

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  (248): Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again. http://tfl.nu/st7o
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (178)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale

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  (515): as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale http://tfl.nu/139w
  Replies (4) Good night (366) Bad night (109)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.

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  (304): This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid. http://tfl.nu/as8m
  Replies (3) Good night (333) Bad night (82)

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