you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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