Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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