she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.