I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So much puke
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.