Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
