mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
