I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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