Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
