I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
