I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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