maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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