scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
