I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
