So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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