If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
