omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
