The best revenge is premature balding
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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