what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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