She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
