Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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