i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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