i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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