people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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