Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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