He kissed a someone with a penis
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
