Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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