I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
FUCK WHALES
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
