I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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