I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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