Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
