This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
