so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
