If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
