Jerry, you need to find god
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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