I heard we made out
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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