So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
