Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
