I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it glows. i had to have it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
