i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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