We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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