We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
