Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
