do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
