A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
