And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize