I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
