I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
