I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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