we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
